I am learning about the bittersweet taste of something that I often say in a counselling session. “You don’t have to figure it all out right now”. Sometimes this statement comes with a sense of relief, an understanding that some things take time to work out, that the details cannot always be ironed out right away. There is a release of responsibility, a resting, a trust that things will all work out.
And ahem. Sometimes this statement is met with resistance, an urgent drive that HAS to figure it out now, this impending sense of dread that if things don’t get figured out now THEN WHAT? The looming unknown comes rolling in, a sense of helplessness, sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, fear, etc.
So when in the latter, there is this constant battle between needing and trying to figure it all out. And a frustrating block that you just CAN’T. So then you come at different angles, you ignore, you take it out on certain people or objects, you try to address things in ways that MUST work…and they don’t. So guess what. You are sitting with the frustration of it all, the helplessness, the realization that there are many things you cannot control. No matter how hard you try.
All that can really be done is to hang out in the reality of this gross place. That things cannot always be figured out. That sometimes we have to just wait it out and feel the things that come within the inability of not being able to find the fix we so desperately want. (Because for those who work towards “trying to figure it all out” as quickly and efficiently as possible like to be in some sort of action, facing things head on).
It’s in these moments that we discover that all we can do is to find some sort of solace, some sort of soothing, some sort of trust that things will unfold as they ought too, and that our purpose in this moment in time is to feel all the things we are feeling. As annoying and/or excruciating they are to feel.
Here’s what I do in moments like these: I read, I listen to music. I find hope in words and lose myself in them to soothe the rawness of what I’m feeling. Here’s a brief snapshot of the words and music that are soothing me in period of being unable to figure it all out.
An excerpt from a book I read, Patrick Rothfuss’s book, The Slow Regard of Silent Things
~”She felt the panic rising in her then. She knew. She knew how quickly things could break. You did the things you could. You tended to the world for the world’s sake. You hoped you would be safe. But still she knew. It could come crashing down and there was nothing you could do” ~
~“time, truth and heart” ~ All These Things That I’ve Done by The Killers
And every single word of the lyrics from Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz.
Keep on keeping on.